Thursday, November 03, 2005
Stymied over what to give Crybaby Bill Frist for Christmas. Send him this much needed item. His mailing address is The Crybaby William H. Frist United States Senate 509 Hart Senate
Office Building Washington, DC 20510-4204
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Monday, February 28, 2005
Preemptive Strategy: Hillary Clinton
Hillary Clinton is a political opportunist whose only concern in the positions she takes on various issues is first and foremost calculated to promote her own political viability.
Either by accident or design, Tim Russert, Andrea Mitchell and William Safire are all out and about trying to convey this notion.
Meet the Press: Februay 27, 2005
MR. RUSSERT: And we are back. Maureen Dowd, Hillary Clinton was on this program last week, and she said, "No matter what you may have thought about the war in Iraq, the fact is now we have to stay, and we have to win," in effect, and that to look back is the wrong way to go, and that to have a timetable for troop withdrawal would be a green light to the terrorists. There was not any room between her view and that of John McCain. What's going on with Senator Clinton?
MR. RUSSERT: But what's going on with Senator Clinton?
MR. SAFIRE: Hillary the hawk and...
MS. DOWD: Well...
MR. SAFIRE: ...it's the way to go. It separates her from Howard Dean and the Democratic left, which she's gotten in her pocket anyway, and she's running for the middle, which is what, frankly, Bill Clinton did. I think she's being advised secretly by Bill Clinton.
MS. DOWD: Well, she voted for the authorization of the war, you know.
MR. SAFIRE: Right.
MS. DOWD: She got on the Armed Services Committee. She...
MR. SAFIRE: Yeah. So...
MR. FRIEDMAN: But this is the biggest liberal project in the world going today, building democracy in the Middle East. And if you have a Democratic Party that is indifferent to it--this is a really important project that any party that doesn't think it's important--I'm not saying it's going to succeed, but it doesn't think it's important, that party is not going to be important in American foreign policy terms. I think Hillary understands that. I think Joe Biden understood it from the very beginning. And I think Hillary, as Bill and Maureen have suggested--she's got a pretty good political adviser who understood it from the very beginning, too.
MR. RUSSERT: So no matter what people may have thought about the war and the lead-up to the war or the management of the war or the absence of weapons of mass destruction, now that we're there, there's so much at stake that it's a political risk to oppose it?
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7041426/
See Also: Andrea Gets The Memo: Forgets to be Subtle
Either by accident or design, Tim Russert, Andrea Mitchell and William Safire are all out and about trying to convey this notion.
Meet the Press: Februay 27, 2005
MR. RUSSERT: And we are back. Maureen Dowd, Hillary Clinton was on this program last week, and she said, "No matter what you may have thought about the war in Iraq, the fact is now we have to stay, and we have to win," in effect, and that to look back is the wrong way to go, and that to have a timetable for troop withdrawal would be a green light to the terrorists. There was not any room between her view and that of John McCain. What's going on with Senator Clinton?
MR. RUSSERT: But what's going on with Senator Clinton?
MR. SAFIRE: Hillary the hawk and...
MS. DOWD: Well...
MR. SAFIRE: ...it's the way to go. It separates her from Howard Dean and the Democratic left, which she's gotten in her pocket anyway, and she's running for the middle, which is what, frankly, Bill Clinton did. I think she's being advised secretly by Bill Clinton.
MS. DOWD: Well, she voted for the authorization of the war, you know.
MR. SAFIRE: Right.
MS. DOWD: She got on the Armed Services Committee. She...
MR. SAFIRE: Yeah. So...
MR. FRIEDMAN: But this is the biggest liberal project in the world going today, building democracy in the Middle East. And if you have a Democratic Party that is indifferent to it--this is a really important project that any party that doesn't think it's important--I'm not saying it's going to succeed, but it doesn't think it's important, that party is not going to be important in American foreign policy terms. I think Hillary understands that. I think Joe Biden understood it from the very beginning. And I think Hillary, as Bill and Maureen have suggested--she's got a pretty good political adviser who understood it from the very beginning, too.
MR. RUSSERT: So no matter what people may have thought about the war and the lead-up to the war or the management of the war or the absence of weapons of mass destruction, now that we're there, there's so much at stake that it's a political risk to oppose it?
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7041426/
See Also: Andrea Gets The Memo: Forgets to be Subtle
Sunday, February 27, 2005
Cokie, You Ignorant Slut
For whatever reason, the insufferable Cokie Roberts keeps reappearing on the “roundtable” segment of “This Week.” First of all, I’ve about had it with This Week’s politically imbalanced production and it’s especially imbalanced roundtable.
When asked about whether Chimpster’s European Vacation was a success, Roberts said that in fact it was. Without providing much rationale for her assessment, she suggested that the foreign media’s reaction was indicative of a successful trip. I would have been shocked if she had answered otherwise (told the truth).
Of course, she didn’t mention the failure to keep Russia from selling nuclear material to Iran. She didn’t mention the rather lackluster response of NATO to provide training for native-born Iraqi cannon-fodder. She didn’t mention the failure to secure economic support for the war to disarm Saddam Hussein. She didn’t mention the cancellation of a “town hall” style meeting because the questions would not be scripted and the audience could not be guaranteed to be “unpaid extras” is this latest theatrical production And most of all, she didn’t mention the tone with which both Bonzo and Rice tell our allies what they must do to return to our good graces. Kind of went over like an SBD in stuck elevator.
Then on to redistricting. Roberts commented that California and some other states which I can’t remember, should undertake redistricting for some reason I can’t remember. Naturally, she completely ignored the redistricting in Texas, which may have been an illegal conspiracy because she is a GOP biased, ignorant slut.
In the news: White House press scandal still subject to MSM blackout!
When asked about whether Chimpster’s European Vacation was a success, Roberts said that in fact it was. Without providing much rationale for her assessment, she suggested that the foreign media’s reaction was indicative of a successful trip. I would have been shocked if she had answered otherwise (told the truth).
Of course, she didn’t mention the failure to keep Russia from selling nuclear material to Iran. She didn’t mention the rather lackluster response of NATO to provide training for native-born Iraqi cannon-fodder. She didn’t mention the failure to secure economic support for the war to disarm Saddam Hussein. She didn’t mention the cancellation of a “town hall” style meeting because the questions would not be scripted and the audience could not be guaranteed to be “unpaid extras” is this latest theatrical production And most of all, she didn’t mention the tone with which both Bonzo and Rice tell our allies what they must do to return to our good graces. Kind of went over like an SBD in stuck elevator.
Then on to redistricting. Roberts commented that California and some other states which I can’t remember, should undertake redistricting for some reason I can’t remember. Naturally, she completely ignored the redistricting in Texas, which may have been an illegal conspiracy because she is a GOP biased, ignorant slut.
In the news: White House press scandal still subject to MSM blackout!
Les Kinsolving and Jim/Jeff: Birds of a Feather?
Les Kinsolving of Worldnet Daily and Jim/Jeff: Birds of a Feather?
In 1998, Les Kinsolving asked then press secretary Joe Lockhart whether the Secret Service in performance of their duties to protect the president, had Monica Lewinsky tested for SDT’s
For more on Kinsolvings stellar work:
Retracting the Talon
The ConWeb relies on the same news-gathering techniques as Jeff Gannon -- softball questions at White House press briefings and copying from press releases.
By Terry KrepelPosted 2/15/2005
http://conwebwatch.tripod.com/stories/2005/gannon.html
In His Own Words:
Pay homage to lawbreakers, homosexuals, drunks?
Wonderful! If the nation's leading spreaders of HIV, AIDS and syphilis are to be given marriage licenses by the mayor of San Francisco, why not honor drunks?
http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=42331
Hey Les, what do you have to say about Jim/Jeff? How could this homosexual prostitute be in your midst without you blowing the lid off the scandal, so to speak?
In 1998, Les Kinsolving asked then press secretary Joe Lockhart whether the Secret Service in performance of their duties to protect the president, had Monica Lewinsky tested for SDT’s
For more on Kinsolvings stellar work:
Retracting the Talon
The ConWeb relies on the same news-gathering techniques as Jeff Gannon -- softball questions at White House press briefings and copying from press releases.
By Terry KrepelPosted 2/15/2005
http://conwebwatch.tripod.com/stories/2005/gannon.html
In His Own Words:
Pay homage to lawbreakers, homosexuals, drunks?
Wonderful! If the nation's leading spreaders of HIV, AIDS and syphilis are to be given marriage licenses by the mayor of San Francisco, why not honor drunks?
http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=42331
Hey Les, what do you have to say about Jim/Jeff? How could this homosexual prostitute be in your midst without you blowing the lid off the scandal, so to speak?
Saturday, February 26, 2005
What They Say vs. What They Mean
The time for diplomacy is now.
As long as it's on our terms, you don't mind being lectured about what "you" should do, and can tolerate our amateurish and childish reaction when we don't get our way.
He's one of us.
He's not one of them.
Undocumented workers do the work Americans are unwilling to do.
Undocumented workers do the work Americans are unwilling to do for the amount of pay received which has the added benefit of keeping wages lower for all non-skilled and semi-skilled employees because these kinds of workers are in abundance thereby helping out our good friends at Walmart and Home Depot. A simple case of supply and demand.
We want every American who wants to work, to find a job.
As long as they're willing to work at wages below subsistence level, don't get uppity and join labor unions, or insist upon a safe workplace, or health insurance, or a company sponsored retirement plan, or more pay for overtime hours.
The president is spending time at his "Crawford Ranch."
The "ranch" was purchased in the late 90's to give GWB that ordinary man appeal, much like Ronald Reagan. Bush clears brush because Reagan was always seen chopping wood with an axe, so that was taken. If Kennedy or Kerry owned the ranch, it would be called a "compound." This use of particular language is planned and effective.
As long as it's on our terms, you don't mind being lectured about what "you" should do, and can tolerate our amateurish and childish reaction when we don't get our way.
He's one of us.
He's not one of them.
Undocumented workers do the work Americans are unwilling to do.
Undocumented workers do the work Americans are unwilling to do for the amount of pay received which has the added benefit of keeping wages lower for all non-skilled and semi-skilled employees because these kinds of workers are in abundance thereby helping out our good friends at Walmart and Home Depot. A simple case of supply and demand.
We want every American who wants to work, to find a job.
As long as they're willing to work at wages below subsistence level, don't get uppity and join labor unions, or insist upon a safe workplace, or health insurance, or a company sponsored retirement plan, or more pay for overtime hours.
The president is spending time at his "Crawford Ranch."
The "ranch" was purchased in the late 90's to give GWB that ordinary man appeal, much like Ronald Reagan. Bush clears brush because Reagan was always seen chopping wood with an axe, so that was taken. If Kennedy or Kerry owned the ranch, it would be called a "compound." This use of particular language is planned and effective.
Friday, February 25, 2005
FOIA REQUEST
I wonder how much taxpayer money has been spent on propaganda backdrops since GWB assumed office. Usually, there's a new one every time he shows up some where and it appears some were taken along on the recent trip to Europe. It would also be interesting to find out if the contracts to produce these backdrops were awarded to some donor.
I wonder how much taxpayer money has been spent on propaganda backdrops since GWB assumed office. Usually, there's a new one every time he shows up some where and it appears some were taken along on the recent trip to Europe. It would also be interesting to find out if the contracts to produce these backdrops were awarded to some donor.
Thanks John:
Okay, so it takes the Justice Department 13 months to conclude there are hookers in News Orleans. It takes about 13 seconds for amateur sleuths, once they tried to find something out about this guy Guckert, that initially had nothing to do with sex, to find a hooker in the White House. Is there a word beyond disbelief?
From Slate:
After a man is smeared the way John Ashcroft was during his Senate confirmation hearings last year, the reflexive reaction is to defend him. No one, after all, could be quite the demon that liberals portrayed—a racist, gay-bashing prude intent on transforming the United States into a Christian theocracy. But there's one problem with this contrarian desire to defend the attorney general: Ashcroft keeps getting in the way of it.
The trouble is, Ashcroft sometimes lives up to his critics' caricature—making it hard to object too strenuously to the substance of their complaints, even if those complaints are sometimes unfairly or sloppily drawn. Earlier this month, the Justice Department announced that it had conducted a more than 13-month investigation of a New Orleans bordello. The fruit of the investigation: 12 prostitutes, for a crime that is normally considered a local matter. As George Washington University law professor Jonathan Turley put it in the Los Angeles Times, "Only the FBI could go to the French Quarter and find just a dozen prostitutes after a year of investigation."
Slate
Okay, so it takes the Justice Department 13 months to conclude there are hookers in News Orleans. It takes about 13 seconds for amateur sleuths, once they tried to find something out about this guy Guckert, that initially had nothing to do with sex, to find a hooker in the White House. Is there a word beyond disbelief?
From Slate:
After a man is smeared the way John Ashcroft was during his Senate confirmation hearings last year, the reflexive reaction is to defend him. No one, after all, could be quite the demon that liberals portrayed—a racist, gay-bashing prude intent on transforming the United States into a Christian theocracy. But there's one problem with this contrarian desire to defend the attorney general: Ashcroft keeps getting in the way of it.
The trouble is, Ashcroft sometimes lives up to his critics' caricature—making it hard to object too strenuously to the substance of their complaints, even if those complaints are sometimes unfairly or sloppily drawn. Earlier this month, the Justice Department announced that it had conducted a more than 13-month investigation of a New Orleans bordello. The fruit of the investigation: 12 prostitutes, for a crime that is normally considered a local matter. As George Washington University law professor Jonathan Turley put it in the Los Angeles Times, "Only the FBI could go to the French Quarter and find just a dozen prostitutes after a year of investigation."
Slate
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
ARE DAVE, JAY, CONAN, JIMMY & DENNIS BEING ORDERED NOT TO DO "GUCKERT" JOKES?
A young woman is missing and presumed to be the victim of foul play, possibly murder. These butt-wipes tell joke after joke about Gary Condit, pretty much suggesting he is culpable and is a liar. Letterman, has relentlessly told Clinton blow-job or philandering jokes for over 1/2 a decade. To say there is something smelly here is an understatement. Finally, her body will eventually be discovered and Condit will lose his seat in Congress. The police, as I understand, do not believe Condit was in any way responsible for her death. So it goes. If you're a Republican, you get a free pass or a free press pass, as the case may be. If you're a Democrat, you are convicted in the court of public opinion despite the absence of evidence.
Something is terribly wrong with this picture; just ask Gary Condit.
As seen at http://www.strangecosmos.com/ Gary Condit & Chandra Levy Jokes Gary Condit & Chandra Levy Scandal Quips, Quotes & Late-Night Jokes
"On Tuesday, Condit flies back to Washington. He has to meet the fall interns. But he will be flying back from California, which means he will be picking up another flight attendant." —David Letterman
"Out in Modesto they are redistricting Condit's district to make it impossible for him to win re-election. Well, other than that, he was a shoe-in." —David Letterman
"Experts say Condit's political base is disappearing. He must be dating them." —David Letterman
"Are you still following the Condit saga? This guy is desperate. He's so desperate he tried to buy a pardon from Roger Clinton." —David Letterman
"The interview got so many viewers for ABC that they are now going to have Connie Chung interview a lying, cheating congressman every week!" —Jay Leno
"In the interview Condit came off as shifty, weasely ... if this guy confessed everyone would think he was lying!" —David Letterman
"After seeing Condit last night, we now realize how great a liar Clinton was." —Jay Leno
"Yesterday was a typical day for Condit. He spent 30 minutes with a woman he's never met, he told some lies, and then he went home to his wife." —Jay Leno
"As you watch the Gary Condit interview, three words come to mind: stiff, unbending and impenetrable. And that's just his hair." —David Letterman
"But Condit's goal tonight — his goal, his reason for doing the interview — he wants to clear his good name so he can start dating again." —David Letterman
"He does not admit to having an affair with Chandra Levy, did not have an affair with her. Well, he didn't say he didn't, he just didn't say anything. In fact, even before the interview, Gary Condit requested a special padded chair. Because he wanted to be comfortable, because he knew he'd be lying his ass off." —Jay Leno
"Did you all get your letter from Gary Condit? I got mine. See, I knew it was his letter before I opened it, just from the cologne... Those of you that live in his district, you may have gotten this. This is the actual letter he sent out. (From Publisher's Clearinghouse: 'YOU MAY ALREADY BE MY MISTRESS!')" —Jay Leno
"I am looking forward to the interview. It has been a long time since we saw a philandering politician hold his wife's hand on television." —David Letterman
"Tomorrow night is the big night. Gary Condit will appear on ABC's 'Primetime Slime' tomorrow night. Connie Chung will interview the congressman but she only has him for one 30-minute interview. As the police have shown us, it takes at least three interviews before Condit even thinks of telling the truth." —Jay Leno
"Gary Condit will be interviewed by Connie Chung on ABC's 'Prime Time Thursday.' His people said today that he was considering giving the interview to Ed Bradley, or Stone Phillips, but he decided that if he is going to lie to someone he is more conformable doing it with a woman." —Jay Leno
"Connie Chung will be interviewing Condit later this week. Here are the rules: He wants to wear a ski mask, he will be wearing dark glasses and he will only answer to the name 'Kurt.'" —David Letterman
"Connie is going to be alone with him 30 minutes. Alone 30 minutes with Gary Condit. Sounds like a bad episode of 'Fear Factor.'" —Jay Leno
"GARY CONDIT! Come out with your pants up!" —a protester yelling into a megaphone outside Congressman Gary Condit's Modesto office "Here is my favorite little tidbit about Gary Condit. He would go to hairdressers but he would call up and he would make the appointment under Greg. 'It's not Congressman Condit, it's Greg and I'm coming in to have my tips streaked' or whatever the hell he does. So to get his hair worked on he would use an alias. Have you seen his hair? His hairdresser should use an alias." —David Letterman
"The lead story on MSNBC was the news that there was nothing new to report in the Gary Condit story. So remember when there is nothing new to report, MSNBC will be the station not to report it first." —Jay Leno
"An angry, very angry California Senator Dianne Feinstein lashed out at Gary Condit yesterday. She announced that Gary Condit's career is finished and she will never, ever forgive him! It sounds like Gary forgot to call someone the morning after." —Jay Leno
"For a man who seemingly spends so little time with his pants on, Congressman Gary Condit has a remarkably well-developed instinct for covering his ass." —Hotline columnist Susan Semeleer
"Let's see what's going on with Gary Condit. The FBI has said that he wore disguises wherever he went. Even when he went to get a haircut, he put on a disguise. In fact, he was such a stickler about his identity, he even once bought a fake ID from the Bush daughters." —Jay Leno
"The tabloids are now claiming the police focus may be on Mrs. Condit. The problem is her alibi is pretty weak. She claims she was with Gary that night. Who's going to believe that?" —Jay Leno
"Washington D.C. police have said Condit is no longer the focus of the investigation. When Condit heard that he said to himself, 'Well hey, maybe I didn't do it.'" —David Letterman
"It looks like Condit is being abandoned by the Democratic Party. It looks like they want to walk away from this guy. Imagine that. You are being abandoned by the party who stood behind the Kennedys, Gary Hart, Dan Rostenkowski, Jesse Jackson and Bill Clinton! This is like getting kicked out of Sodom and Gamora." —Jay Leno
"Here is your government at work. A congressman from Colorado said he wants to draft a rule that would make it unethical to have a sexual relationship with an intern. Only Congress would need a rule to tell them cheating on their wives is not ethical. Don't we have that rule? I believe it's called the Sixth Commandment." —Jay Leno
"I think all the media scrutiny is starting to get to this Gary 'slimy' Condit guy. The other day he and a photographer got into some kind of a shoving incident. I guess they ran into each other, and Condit angrily pushed him. In fact, at one point Condit was so mad he almost stopped smiling." —Jay Leno
"According to a poll taken in his district, most of Gary Condit's constituents don't want him to resign. Well, of course not, if he resigns he might come back and live in their district." —Jay Leno
"We laugh about this, but all of you interns in Washington, remember if you have sex with a Congressman, you are not only having sex with that Congressman, you are also having sex with everyone Congress has screwed in the last eight years." —Jay Leno
"Everybody is saying Condit knows more than he is saying. That's the great thing about President Bush. With George W. Bush, you never have to worry about that." —David Letterman
"Newsweek reported that the reason that a lot of Congressman aren't speaking out against Gary Condit is that as many as 87 Congressman are currently cheating on their wives. Isn't that unbelievable? Newsweek wants us to believe that there are 348 Congressman that are faithful? Shutup!" —Jay Leno
"According to the latest poll in Northern California, 60 percent of voters say they will not vote for Gary Condit in the next election. Apparently the other 40 percent are dating Gary Condit." —Conan O'Brien
"Here's what we know about Gary Condit: Apparently he is a womanizer and he has a fugitive brother. This guy could be president!" —David Letterman
"It was so hot today, down in DC the only breeze was from the DC cops blowing the Condit investigation. It was so hot Gary Condit was carrying his jacket AND his pants." —David Letterman
"Newsweek also reported that Gary Condit was meeting with Dick Cheney on the day of Chandra Levy's disappearance. Talk about bad luck. This guy's only alibi is a guy with laryngitis and a bad heart." —Jay Leno
"You know what is interesting, Condit is very conservative. He voted to post the ten commandments in schools. Yet, he himself broke the 11th commandment, 'Thou shall not put thy rod in thy staff.'" —Jay Leno
"As you know Gary Condit is in big, big trouble. Every day more and more comes out about his sexual escapades. Of course in the middle of all of this he is mulling over whether to run for re-election. He has started to put together some campaign slogans. These are actual Gary Condit slogans: 'Pumping More Than Money Into the Local Economy', 'If His Office is A'Rocking, Come On In', 'Believes in A System of Chicks and Balances,' 'Close That Curtain and Pull Down on My Lever, Baby,' 'Return Condit to Orifice,' 'Give Him Liberty or Give Him Beth,' and finally 'He Only Looks Gay'" —Jay Leno "Miss America officials say they're going to incorporate elements of reality TV into their next pageant. I guess they want it to be part Survivor, part Fear Factor, because they've just hired Gary Condit to chaperone." —The Long Point's Jay Jaroch
"Are you following this Gary Condit saga? This guy is a piece of work isn't he? Over the weekend he gives himself a lie-detector test, then he announces that he was telling the truth. Today he put himself on trial and found himself not guilty." —David Letterman
"Economists predict that this year's federal surplus will be $120 billion less than predicted in January. The missing $120 billion was reportedly last seen on a date with Congressman Gary Condit." —Dennis Miller
"I used to think he was completely innocent but now I don't know. His behavior has been very strange. Even though Gary Condit has given many details to the police on the last morning he and Chandra Levy had together, he said he can't remember if they had sex. Shut up! What 53-year-old man sleeps with a 24- year-old and can't remember if they had sex? Most 53-year-old men I know remember the 24-year-old they saw in the fast lane going the opposite direction." —Jay Leno
"Republican Minority Leader Trent Lott has said Condit should step down if he had an improper relationship with the intern. Bill Clinton said, 'Step Down? This guy should run for president!'" —Jay Leno
"Condit also agreed to give a DNA sample to the police, which comes as no surprise because he has been willing to give his DNA sample to everyone else in Washington." —Dennis Miller
"Yesterday Gary Condit spent the whole day attending an agricul
tural meeting. Boy, that's when you know a congressman's in real trouble: when he spends the whole day actually working." —Jay Leno
"I have to give it to Condit, he is cooperating with police. Like today getting rid of any possible evidence, he handed it over to the FBI and he is just going to let them misplace it." —Jay Leno
"I love all the self-righteous people in this. Anne Marie Smith, the flight attendant that claimed she had an affair with Condit, said Condit asked her to sign an affidavit that they never had an affair but she refused to sign it based on principle. What principle is that? I'm an adulterer, not a liar, ladies and gentlemen!" —Jay Leno
"That must be strange, cheating on your wife with a flight attendant. They're in bed and she's says, 'In the event that wife should come home early please notice the location of the nearest emergency exit.'" —Jay Leno
"Condit finally admitted during his third interview with police that 'yes, I had an affair with Chandra Levy.' Typical Congressman, you have to have to ask him three time to get a straight answer. This guy makes Clinton look like a good liar." —Jay Leno
"Have you folks been following the Gary Condit saga? A couple of days ago police found bloodstains in his carpet. And you know what that means: In about a year he'll be in Miami playing golf." —David Letterman
"I can envision the next reality TV show: Several nubile interns must live in a group house with Bill Clinton and Gary Condit." —Cybersatirist Bob Hirschfeld
"You guys know about that Gary Condit saga? The good news is he is cooperating with authorities. Earlier today he allowed police to search his hair." —David Letterman
"The 4th of July combines the two things Americans love most in one day: alcohol and explosives. ... Everyone will be barbecuing. For example, down in D.C., police will be grilling Gary Condit for the third time." —David Letterman "(Rep. Gary Condit) hasn't been very forthcoming with the FBI about his involvement with his missing intern. Now it's been revealed that when Clinton was in trouble in '98 he wrote a letter to Newt Gingrich demanding that Bill Clinton come forward with full disclosure of what he had done. ... Only in Washington would a man alleged to have had an affair with an intern, condemn a man who had an affair with an intern, by writing a letter to a man who had an affair with a staffer. God Bless Washington." —Jay Leno
"I've been a dumbass all my life." —Dan Rather, mocking critics of CBS's minimal coverage of missing intern Chandra Levy
"It's just one big merry-go-round." —Hustler publisher Larry Flynt, on the frequency of affairs between congressmen and interns
A young woman is missing and presumed to be the victim of foul play, possibly murder. These butt-wipes tell joke after joke about Gary Condit, pretty much suggesting he is culpable and is a liar. Letterman, has relentlessly told Clinton blow-job or philandering jokes for over 1/2 a decade. To say there is something smelly here is an understatement. Finally, her body will eventually be discovered and Condit will lose his seat in Congress. The police, as I understand, do not believe Condit was in any way responsible for her death. So it goes. If you're a Republican, you get a free pass or a free press pass, as the case may be. If you're a Democrat, you are convicted in the court of public opinion despite the absence of evidence.
Something is terribly wrong with this picture; just ask Gary Condit.
As seen at http://www.strangecosmos.com/ Gary Condit & Chandra Levy Jokes Gary Condit & Chandra Levy Scandal Quips, Quotes & Late-Night Jokes
"On Tuesday, Condit flies back to Washington. He has to meet the fall interns. But he will be flying back from California, which means he will be picking up another flight attendant." —David Letterman
"Out in Modesto they are redistricting Condit's district to make it impossible for him to win re-election. Well, other than that, he was a shoe-in." —David Letterman
"Experts say Condit's political base is disappearing. He must be dating them." —David Letterman
"Are you still following the Condit saga? This guy is desperate. He's so desperate he tried to buy a pardon from Roger Clinton." —David Letterman
"The interview got so many viewers for ABC that they are now going to have Connie Chung interview a lying, cheating congressman every week!" —Jay Leno
"In the interview Condit came off as shifty, weasely ... if this guy confessed everyone would think he was lying!" —David Letterman
"After seeing Condit last night, we now realize how great a liar Clinton was." —Jay Leno
"Yesterday was a typical day for Condit. He spent 30 minutes with a woman he's never met, he told some lies, and then he went home to his wife." —Jay Leno
"As you watch the Gary Condit interview, three words come to mind: stiff, unbending and impenetrable. And that's just his hair." —David Letterman
"But Condit's goal tonight — his goal, his reason for doing the interview — he wants to clear his good name so he can start dating again." —David Letterman
"He does not admit to having an affair with Chandra Levy, did not have an affair with her. Well, he didn't say he didn't, he just didn't say anything. In fact, even before the interview, Gary Condit requested a special padded chair. Because he wanted to be comfortable, because he knew he'd be lying his ass off." —Jay Leno
"Did you all get your letter from Gary Condit? I got mine. See, I knew it was his letter before I opened it, just from the cologne... Those of you that live in his district, you may have gotten this. This is the actual letter he sent out. (From Publisher's Clearinghouse: 'YOU MAY ALREADY BE MY MISTRESS!')" —Jay Leno
"I am looking forward to the interview. It has been a long time since we saw a philandering politician hold his wife's hand on television." —David Letterman
"Tomorrow night is the big night. Gary Condit will appear on ABC's 'Primetime Slime' tomorrow night. Connie Chung will interview the congressman but she only has him for one 30-minute interview. As the police have shown us, it takes at least three interviews before Condit even thinks of telling the truth." —Jay Leno
"Gary Condit will be interviewed by Connie Chung on ABC's 'Prime Time Thursday.' His people said today that he was considering giving the interview to Ed Bradley, or Stone Phillips, but he decided that if he is going to lie to someone he is more conformable doing it with a woman." —Jay Leno
"Connie Chung will be interviewing Condit later this week. Here are the rules: He wants to wear a ski mask, he will be wearing dark glasses and he will only answer to the name 'Kurt.'" —David Letterman
"Connie is going to be alone with him 30 minutes. Alone 30 minutes with Gary Condit. Sounds like a bad episode of 'Fear Factor.'" —Jay Leno
"GARY CONDIT! Come out with your pants up!" —a protester yelling into a megaphone outside Congressman Gary Condit's Modesto office "Here is my favorite little tidbit about Gary Condit. He would go to hairdressers but he would call up and he would make the appointment under Greg. 'It's not Congressman Condit, it's Greg and I'm coming in to have my tips streaked' or whatever the hell he does. So to get his hair worked on he would use an alias. Have you seen his hair? His hairdresser should use an alias." —David Letterman
"The lead story on MSNBC was the news that there was nothing new to report in the Gary Condit story. So remember when there is nothing new to report, MSNBC will be the station not to report it first." —Jay Leno
"An angry, very angry California Senator Dianne Feinstein lashed out at Gary Condit yesterday. She announced that Gary Condit's career is finished and she will never, ever forgive him! It sounds like Gary forgot to call someone the morning after." —Jay Leno
"For a man who seemingly spends so little time with his pants on, Congressman Gary Condit has a remarkably well-developed instinct for covering his ass." —Hotline columnist Susan Semeleer
"Let's see what's going on with Gary Condit. The FBI has said that he wore disguises wherever he went. Even when he went to get a haircut, he put on a disguise. In fact, he was such a stickler about his identity, he even once bought a fake ID from the Bush daughters." —Jay Leno
"The tabloids are now claiming the police focus may be on Mrs. Condit. The problem is her alibi is pretty weak. She claims she was with Gary that night. Who's going to believe that?" —Jay Leno
"Washington D.C. police have said Condit is no longer the focus of the investigation. When Condit heard that he said to himself, 'Well hey, maybe I didn't do it.'" —David Letterman
"It looks like Condit is being abandoned by the Democratic Party. It looks like they want to walk away from this guy. Imagine that. You are being abandoned by the party who stood behind the Kennedys, Gary Hart, Dan Rostenkowski, Jesse Jackson and Bill Clinton! This is like getting kicked out of Sodom and Gamora." —Jay Leno
"Here is your government at work. A congressman from Colorado said he wants to draft a rule that would make it unethical to have a sexual relationship with an intern. Only Congress would need a rule to tell them cheating on their wives is not ethical. Don't we have that rule? I believe it's called the Sixth Commandment." —Jay Leno
"I think all the media scrutiny is starting to get to this Gary 'slimy' Condit guy. The other day he and a photographer got into some kind of a shoving incident. I guess they ran into each other, and Condit angrily pushed him. In fact, at one point Condit was so mad he almost stopped smiling." —Jay Leno
"According to a poll taken in his district, most of Gary Condit's constituents don't want him to resign. Well, of course not, if he resigns he might come back and live in their district." —Jay Leno
"We laugh about this, but all of you interns in Washington, remember if you have sex with a Congressman, you are not only having sex with that Congressman, you are also having sex with everyone Congress has screwed in the last eight years." —Jay Leno
"Everybody is saying Condit knows more than he is saying. That's the great thing about President Bush. With George W. Bush, you never have to worry about that." —David Letterman
"Newsweek reported that the reason that a lot of Congressman aren't speaking out against Gary Condit is that as many as 87 Congressman are currently cheating on their wives. Isn't that unbelievable? Newsweek wants us to believe that there are 348 Congressman that are faithful? Shutup!" —Jay Leno
"According to the latest poll in Northern California, 60 percent of voters say they will not vote for Gary Condit in the next election. Apparently the other 40 percent are dating Gary Condit." —Conan O'Brien
"Here's what we know about Gary Condit: Apparently he is a womanizer and he has a fugitive brother. This guy could be president!" —David Letterman
"It was so hot today, down in DC the only breeze was from the DC cops blowing the Condit investigation. It was so hot Gary Condit was carrying his jacket AND his pants." —David Letterman
"Newsweek also reported that Gary Condit was meeting with Dick Cheney on the day of Chandra Levy's disappearance. Talk about bad luck. This guy's only alibi is a guy with laryngitis and a bad heart." —Jay Leno
"You know what is interesting, Condit is very conservative. He voted to post the ten commandments in schools. Yet, he himself broke the 11th commandment, 'Thou shall not put thy rod in thy staff.'" —Jay Leno
"As you know Gary Condit is in big, big trouble. Every day more and more comes out about his sexual escapades. Of course in the middle of all of this he is mulling over whether to run for re-election. He has started to put together some campaign slogans. These are actual Gary Condit slogans: 'Pumping More Than Money Into the Local Economy', 'If His Office is A'Rocking, Come On In', 'Believes in A System of Chicks and Balances,' 'Close That Curtain and Pull Down on My Lever, Baby,' 'Return Condit to Orifice,' 'Give Him Liberty or Give Him Beth,' and finally 'He Only Looks Gay'" —Jay Leno "Miss America officials say they're going to incorporate elements of reality TV into their next pageant. I guess they want it to be part Survivor, part Fear Factor, because they've just hired Gary Condit to chaperone." —The Long Point's Jay Jaroch
"Are you following this Gary Condit saga? This guy is a piece of work isn't he? Over the weekend he gives himself a lie-detector test, then he announces that he was telling the truth. Today he put himself on trial and found himself not guilty." —David Letterman
"Economists predict that this year's federal surplus will be $120 billion less than predicted in January. The missing $120 billion was reportedly last seen on a date with Congressman Gary Condit." —Dennis Miller
"I used to think he was completely innocent but now I don't know. His behavior has been very strange. Even though Gary Condit has given many details to the police on the last morning he and Chandra Levy had together, he said he can't remember if they had sex. Shut up! What 53-year-old man sleeps with a 24- year-old and can't remember if they had sex? Most 53-year-old men I know remember the 24-year-old they saw in the fast lane going the opposite direction." —Jay Leno
"Republican Minority Leader Trent Lott has said Condit should step down if he had an improper relationship with the intern. Bill Clinton said, 'Step Down? This guy should run for president!'" —Jay Leno
"Condit also agreed to give a DNA sample to the police, which comes as no surprise because he has been willing to give his DNA sample to everyone else in Washington." —Dennis Miller
"Yesterday Gary Condit spent the whole day attending an agricul
tural meeting. Boy, that's when you know a congressman's in real trouble: when he spends the whole day actually working." —Jay Leno
"I have to give it to Condit, he is cooperating with police. Like today getting rid of any possible evidence, he handed it over to the FBI and he is just going to let them misplace it." —Jay Leno
"I love all the self-righteous people in this. Anne Marie Smith, the flight attendant that claimed she had an affair with Condit, said Condit asked her to sign an affidavit that they never had an affair but she refused to sign it based on principle. What principle is that? I'm an adulterer, not a liar, ladies and gentlemen!" —Jay Leno
"That must be strange, cheating on your wife with a flight attendant. They're in bed and she's says, 'In the event that wife should come home early please notice the location of the nearest emergency exit.'" —Jay Leno
"Condit finally admitted during his third interview with police that 'yes, I had an affair with Chandra Levy.' Typical Congressman, you have to have to ask him three time to get a straight answer. This guy makes Clinton look like a good liar." —Jay Leno
"Have you folks been following the Gary Condit saga? A couple of days ago police found bloodstains in his carpet. And you know what that means: In about a year he'll be in Miami playing golf." —David Letterman
"I can envision the next reality TV show: Several nubile interns must live in a group house with Bill Clinton and Gary Condit." —Cybersatirist Bob Hirschfeld
"You guys know about that Gary Condit saga? The good news is he is cooperating with authorities. Earlier today he allowed police to search his hair." —David Letterman
"The 4th of July combines the two things Americans love most in one day: alcohol and explosives. ... Everyone will be barbecuing. For example, down in D.C., police will be grilling Gary Condit for the third time." —David Letterman "(Rep. Gary Condit) hasn't been very forthcoming with the FBI about his involvement with his missing intern. Now it's been revealed that when Clinton was in trouble in '98 he wrote a letter to Newt Gingrich demanding that Bill Clinton come forward with full disclosure of what he had done. ... Only in Washington would a man alleged to have had an affair with an intern, condemn a man who had an affair with an intern, by writing a letter to a man who had an affair with a staffer. God Bless Washington." —Jay Leno
"I've been a dumbass all my life." —Dan Rather, mocking critics of CBS's minimal coverage of missing intern Chandra Levy
"It's just one big merry-go-round." —Hustler publisher Larry Flynt, on the frequency of affairs between congressmen and interns
